I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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