we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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