my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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