Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
