i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
