Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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