and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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