i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
