gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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