Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
