Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
