RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
