Who did Billy Mays play for?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize