Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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