remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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