in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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