I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
