for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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