I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
