he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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