Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize