He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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