4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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