Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
