I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Is Oprah even human
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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