I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize