I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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