you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
