i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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