Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
