Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
