You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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