There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
