he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
