FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
