I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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