i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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