Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I love you.
Bad choice
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
