More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
