Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I can't put those talents on a resume
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
