end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
