I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I fill condoms, not promises.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
