im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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