You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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