I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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