In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
