woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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