I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
