i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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