Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
