I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
