And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
