oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
