I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
