New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
