once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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