Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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