So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
