covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
