went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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