There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
