Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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