Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
