This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
