Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
