I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
