I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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