i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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