Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
