Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
