remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
