She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
