Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
50% drunk capacity currently
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
