You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
