The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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