We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
