The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
